


And We’re Live!

by cemetrygatess



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: A Stitch in Time - Andrew Robinson, Crack Treated Seriously, Getting Back Together, Humor, I pick up the parts of beta canon I want and simply ignore the rest, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Politics, Post-A Stitch in Time - Andrew Robinson, Post-Canon Cardassia, Reality TV, Worldbuilding, Yearning, immigration policy, thank you for your understanding in this manner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29993928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cemetrygatess/pseuds/cemetrygatess
Summary: Castellan of the Cardassian Union, Elim Garak just wants a platform to help get his immigration policy in front of more eyeballs. Against his better judgement he agrees to go on Cardassia’s hottest political/reality interview show. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Elim Garak/Kelas Parmak (past), Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 71
Kudos: 64





	1. You’re sure this is a good idea?

“You’re sure this is a good idea?” Castellan Garak asked as he paced back and forth in the dressing room. 

The room was way too small. It was narrow with nothing more than a large mirror and several old armchairs. Over the years, his claustrophobia had improved. He worked diligently to remove such an easily exploitable weakness. But the combination of nerves and the tight space made for an uncomfortable combination. He let himself wring his hands, as he knew he must appear calm and collected once he was actually on TV. 

“Yes,” Casta replied with a smile. She had been his chief of staff since his senate days, and the only person he really trusted. She was his right hand, and against his better judgement, she was also his only friend. He hadn’t admitted that to her of course, but he didn’t need to. 

“The Rela Show has a tendency to trod into the interpersonal, and you know I’m very private.”

Casta smirked at that. She stood in the corner calm and collected as Garak continued to pace. 

“I know it’s inconvenient that the most watched political show and the most watched reality show in the union are the same show. But you’ve wanted to get your new immigration policy in front of the people, get the senate to stop dragging their feet. This is a perfect opportunity for that.”

Casta was tall and wiry, and always drinking raktajino. Her hair never left a neat bun. She was the rare person whose sense of style Garak actually admired, always dressing in cool colors with interesting lines. It had been one of the reasons he took a chance and hired her back in the day. Today she wore a grey pencil dress with white piping. 

“Still I feel I’ve consented to walk into a trap.” Garak sighed, looking himself over in the mirror fussing slightly with his hair. It would have to do. 

“It’s not like you’ve fathered bastards or have a jilted ex-wife that could show up to surprise you. You’ve lived an upstanding life devoted to the Union.”

The implication that Garak couldn’t have done these things while also keeping them secret from Casta was only slightly annoying. But then the only person with less of a life outside of work than him, was her. 

“Casta! I was in the Obsidian Order, do not believe for one second there isn’t dirt on me that Rela could find if she looked hard enough. I cannot believe you talked me into this.”

“But would that be interesting TV?”

“I don’t watch this show. I wouldn’t know,” Garak lied. 

“Anything too dark is out of bounds. Rela isn’t interested in whose deaths you may or may not have been involved with. She covers enough politics to justify her evening time slot and nothing more. She’s interested in interpersonal relationships, and since you have very few you have nothing to worry about.”

“How banal.”

“Nobody said politics was pretty.” Casta’s voice was upbeat. Well at least one of them was excited for this. 

“Well, she’ll probably drag out Senator Lima, who I’ve embarrassed at several state dinners.”

“Exactly! And you can handle her just fine. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, Castellan. When she brings up something you don’t want to talk about, just deflect. Pivot to your immigration policy.”

“I’ve told you hundreds of times you don’t need to call me that.”

“I assure you, Castellan, it’s out of respect for the office, not respect for you.” She grinned. 

Elim shook his head fondly, and took a deep breath. He tried to bite back the anxiety that this would all go horribly wrong. Casta’s advice was usually well reasoned, and if executed correctly tended to be the correct course of action. That knowledge somehow did nothing to sooth his nerves.


	2. Just Enjoy the Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rela gets personal with Garak

The lights of the studio were unpleasantly bright but pleasantly warm. A decade in politics meant Garak was no stranger to being on television, but he found the setup of The Rela Show was designed for discomfort. A producer had directed Garak to a big grey couch, where he now sat. There was no desk to divide them or hide any of his body language. There was an armchair for Rela, which Garak observed to be an inch or so taller than the couch. That was a clever touch. 

The audience numbered around 200, all Cardassian and chatting quietly to themselves waiting for the show to start. An eager energy permeated the room. Garak knew the crowd was indifferent to his success. A triumphant interview, and they would say they had been rooting for him all along. But if he was embarrassed or made some wretch gaff, they would say they knew all along. This was the curse of political life. 

After several minutes of sitting silently, Rela walked out and sat down, joining him. She had a whispered conversation with one of the producers before speaking to Garak. 

“We’re all so excited to have you here today, Castellan.” Her voice was honey, cloying and ready to trap. 

Garak only smiled in reply. 

Rela was five years younger than him with a heavy set frame that had come to be attractive in the post-famine years. Her hair was peppered with white, and her smile betrayed a bit too much cunning for comfort. She wore a flowy blue blouse and tailored white pants, a look slightly too bold for everyday, but perfectly outrageous for TV. Garak felt verging on stuffy in his high collared maroon suite. 

The producer, a young Cardassian man, signaled to Rela that they were going live. Rela took a moment to arrange herself ever so slightly before beginning to speak. Her voice projected confidence and demanded attention. 

“Folks! We have an absolute treat for you today. For our full program we’ll be talking to Castellan of The Cardassian Union, Elim Garak.” She turned to Garak. “Castellan Garak, I have wanted to have you on the show for so long.”

“I’m happy to be here Rela.” Garak smiled and the crowd erupted in cheers. 

“It’s been a wild ride for you, from exile to Castellan in fifteen years. Did you always know that things would world out like this?”

“Absolutely not, Rela. I did always know I wanted to do whatever I could to best serve the Cardassian people and the Union. But with a little different luck, I would probably still be a tailor.”

“Does it ever feel too good to be true?” 

“Every now and again I have a dream where I’m back on Terok Nor, and the war is still on. Then I wake up to be Castellan. Too good to be true doesn't begin to cover it!” Garak smiled and didn’t mention the warm arms that held him in those dreams, or how cold his bed always felt upon waking. 

“What inspired you to get into politics. You didn’t become a Senator till the second Senate. Why that hesitation?” Rela leaned in; her body language clearly meaning to egg him on. 

“Well frankly when the first Senate of the new Union was elected, I was nobody, a simple exile just returned home. I didn’t entertain the idea because it was absurd, someone like me with no experience or name recognition was not going to win. But three years later, after serving in both official and volunteer capacities in municipal and regional projects, I felt like I had a body of work that could recommend me to the people, and fortunately they agreed.”

“During those three years you worked to supply clean water to some of the more rural areas on Cardassia prime.”

“Yes. I was very proud of that, but I must stress that I was just one of many on teams that worked on these projects.” Garak kept his voice humble. 

“As a Senator, you became known as Every-Bill-Elim because you had your hand in so much of that early and defining legislation.”

“A nickname I by no means encouraged,” Garak replied with his most charismatic smile. 

“To name only a few you were instrumental in expanding the health infrastructure bill, you sponsored the landmark maternal safety legislation, and helped reform the carceral system. To what do you contribute to your particular success?”

“I’d like to say that many of my colleagues in the Senate have been successful, and I would by no means consider myself unique for that cohort. Law-making is a team sport. That said there are two factors to which I contribute my success. Luck, and single minded drive.” Garak didn’t think this was an appropriate time to mention that the threat of an ex-obsidian order agent had moved many moderate Senators into line and many conservate ones out of the way over the years. 

“Speaking of ‘single minded drive’, Castellan, many in the press and public have noted your long term bachelor status but you've never commented on the manner.”

“I haven't.” Garak’s face was controlled, nearly placid in expression. Rela chuckled, but didn’t seem to find it funny. 

“Given the strong Cardassian urge towards pair bonding this is incredibly unusual outside of widowers. I think many in the public would like to know what inspired your decision to stay single?”

Sometimes he felt like a widower, the only difference being the man in question wasn’t strictly speaking dead. 

“I think it's also fair to say being Castellan is not usual.” Garak silently cursed Casta in his head. He knew this would happen. 

“But we've had enjoined leaders before, and in fact most of our Castellans of either gender have been enjoined.”

“To speak frankly, I'm not opposed to the idea, but you have to understand I'm very particular in what I look for in a partner. Putting in the time to find such a person has not been a priority. And even if I were to find such a person, would I have time to be a good partner to them? I won't be Castellan forever, but right now the health of the Union is what comes first.” 

“So we could someday see your wedding? Perhaps, live on The Rela Show?”

The crowd hooted enthusiastically. 

“A wedding possibly, but I doubt very much it would be live on any show. Really, for the time being I'm more focused on reforming immigration policy than my own love life. that is after all why the people voted for me.”

“What changes are you hoping to see in immigration policy?”

“Well after the war, Cardassia took on a more isolationist approach. It was hard to move here, hard to bring business. There was then some considerable concern that grifters would take advantage of our weakened state. That concern was born out by some outer lying colonies which took different approaches.”

“And you think that an isolationist stance no longer benefits Cardassians?” Rela asked, almost sweetly. Garak understood why she had such loyal fans, not that he counted himself among them.

“That’s right Rela. Cardassia is beginning to thrive, and the next step is to open up a bit more. We’ve worked hard to create prosperous worlds worth sharing. I think we have to be confident that we have as much to share with the wider universe as they do with us.”

“Some may see this as a move away from addressing the needs of Cardassians.”

“This policy change is by no means a shift to completely open borders. And it doesn’t mean that the government will prioritize the needs of immigrants over citizens. Instead it's an acknowledgement that we miss out on opportunities in business, in culture and in science when we restrict ourselves to only working alongside Cardassians.”

“That sounds like a Federation viewpoint.”

“Well I did live alongside the Federaji for many years, and many of them are very good people, but my hope is not that Cardassia becomes the Federation. I already think, and I’ve said this many times before, that Cardassia boasts the greatest minds, and the best art in the universe. We have a very rich history. But I believe we can further enrich that wonderful culture that we’ve created, and I truly believe a little more openness will only bring Cardassia to greater heights.” As he spoke, Garak felt himself turn over into orator mode, speaking with passion as the audience hung on every word. 

“There are those that are afraid we will become less. That by allowing more immigration, more foriegn business, we will become less Cardassian. Let me tell you that is not possible. Cardassia is who each and every citizen is to their core. You simply cannot dilute it. I learned that for myself as an exile. Outsiders are not a threat to our way of life. Those who appreciate our culture, appreciate our values will come here. They will become Cardassians too, in their hearts and minds. That is how we grow our Union.”

“Wow,” said Rela, if not genuinely moved at least pretending. The crowd clapped and cheered appreciatively. 

“It is time. I would not be so adamant about this legislation if I didn’t truly know that we are ready.”

“Let’s all give the Castellan a hand, such a rare treat to get insight into the highest levels of The Union government.” The crowd cheered and Rela let them quiet down before continuing. “After a word from our sponsors, we’ll continue talking with Castellan Garak. We’ll also be joined by a special guest, Dr. Kelas Parmak, the Castellan’s ex-lover. We’re excited to hear his opinions on immigration policy as well as Castellan Garak’s love life. More of The Rela Show when we come back!”

Garak controlled his expression; the worst thing he could do would be to be a bad sport. This was the game, having a bit more personal information than he liked disclosed, in exchange for the loyalty and viewership that The Rela Show received. As he sat there, he could only think of Casta’s earlier comment… ‘It’s not like you have a jilted ex-wife’. 

While that may be true, Kelas was the next best thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is immensely fun to write, so I hope it's also fun to read! How do you think Garak is handling himself? 
> 
> Your comments and kudos are ever appreciated.


	3. And Now a Word from Our Sponsors!

*Shot of two young professional Cardassians spinning Kanar. It is bright blue and they seem happy.*

Booming male voice: After a long day helping to build a better Union, you deserve only the best Kanar to unwind. That’s why I drink  **Prime Kanar** . Made with 100% deva grain grown across Prime and distilled in Lakarian City,  **Prime Kanar** is truly a cut above the rest. 

*Close up shot of the bottle, it’s square in shape. A scaled hand sets down a half full glass.*

A higher pitched voice speaking more quietly and quickly:  _ As with all agricultural products from Prime, Prime Kanar may contain trace amounts of radioactive isotopes. Know your limits and substitute with products from outer colonies if you begin to see scale flaking.  _

  
  


***

  
  


*Shot of an older man, shirtless, looking himself over in the mirror and frowning.*

Sweet female voice: Do you find that as you age that your scales just don’t look how they used to? You want the respect that comes with aging but you don’t want to give up all of that youthful shine? Try Koma Scale Polish, a scale polish designed especially for that aging look while also maintaining the health and integrity of your scales. There’s a reason it was your dad’s favorite! 

*The same older man is smiling now and his scales are a bit shinier. He’s handsomely dressed and headed somewhere important*

  
  


***

  
  


*Panning drone-shot of a beautiful desert of Cardassia Prime*

Calm woman’s voice: When was the last time you checked your government issued dust filter? If not replaced regularly, your filter may not be effectively filtering out radioactive dust. Filters should be changed every 3 to 9 months or if the indicator turns black. Regional guidelines based on radioactivity levels are available online. 

*Shot of filter, showing the indicator turning black*

Remember, you can’t serve the Union if you have radiation poisoning. This has been a message from the Cardassian Union. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the worldbuilding tag for this chapter. I hope this continues to amuse. Special thanks to ectogeo for suggesting dust filters as a necessary item for any resident of Cardassia. 
> 
> Still working on the Kelas chapter, hopefully it will be up soon.


	4. Special Guest Dr. Kelas Parmak!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rela interviews Kelas

The young producer came over to Garak during the commercial break and moved him to the side of the couch further away from Rela. The unstated expectation was that Garak would sit there quietly unless he has something to add or contradict. He had to experience the interview in public but not speak. It was perfect torture. The part of him that was still an agent of the Obsidian Order found it cunning and delightful, but to be it’s subject was another matter entirely. 

Kelas Parmak came out from backstage and sat where he had been sitting before. His appearance was distinctive; long silver hair, spectacles and a touch of bright blue makeup rarely worn by men. Thin and perfectly preserved, he was to this day one of the most handsome Cardassian’s Garak had ever met. Garak thought the crowd would love him instantly. 

“Garak,” he said with a smile. There was neither animosity nor affection there. The neutrality of it was somehow a balm and a knife, an insult and a kindness. More than anything it was a relief. 

“Parmak,” Garak nodded in return. It had been 5 years since they had seen each other and even longer since their breakup. 

They sat in silence waiting for the show to start again. 

“Dr. Parmak, it is so good to have you on the show. I am fascinated to hear your insights on Castellan Garak.” Rela smiled, the kind of smile which suggested that she knew how much power she held.

“Thanks for having me, Rela.” Kelas’ smile lit up the room. Garak surveyed the crowd, and found they were already spellbound. Parmak didn’t try — that was just the effect he had on people. 

“You are a medical Doctor by profession? Is that how you met the Castellan?”

“I am a medical doctor. I travel, working primarily in rural clinics across Prime. I’m very passionate about equal access to medical care, and the rural travel program is a part of that. If you live in a rural community check with your regional health authority to see when some of Cardassia’s finest doctors may be in your area.” 

Oh that was just like Kelas, Garak reflected, to use this as an opportunity to promote an underutilized medical program. The kindness of it was almost annoying. 

“But before I did that, I was part of an emergency med unit that Garak was a volunteer for. That’s how we met, digging up people who needed help, first alive ones, but eventually dead ones.” Kelas gave a serious smile. 

It was interesting to Garak to note that Kelas lied, something he generally avoided on principle. They hadn’t met right after the war; they met over a decade earlier when Garak had tortured Parmak. Would this be Kelas’s only lie? Rela had retired her use of lie detectors several years before, finding that such invasive methods made it harder to get guests to agree to come on the show. Garak wasn’t sure if he hoped Kelas would continue to lie or not. 

“After working together you and the Castellan quickly developed a strong friendship and eventually a relationship?” Rela asked. 

“Perhaps quickly isn’t quite the right word. We became friends over several years and eventually were together for about two years.”

“Two years is quite a long time to be together and yet to not become enjoined.”

“Well you may not know me, but I think Castellan Garak has become somewhat well known for being unconventional; I think you have to be a little unconventional to have the kind of success he’s had. And I’m not so conventional myself, so it suited us at the time to do that.” As Kelas spoke he infused his voice with calm and rationality. 

“Do you regret that choice now? Had you become enjoined perhaps you still would be together.”

“Well it’s funny you say that Rela, because I suggested we take that step about three months before we finally broke up. And in retrospect I think breaking up was the more correct choice.” Kelas’ voice was melodic but detached. 

“Why is that Dr. Parmak?” Rela leaned in. Her eyes, hooded by purple makeup, were focused on her goal. 

“It was a matter of priorities. About a year into our relationship I started traveling to provide medical care, and Garak became a senator. I would be out of town for long stretches of time, and he would work long hours nearly every day. So we were at a position where our relationship became a logistical nightmare, and when that happens it really exposes what people’s priorities are. I discovered I was not one of Elim’s priorities.”

A murmur went through the crowd, a collective sound of quiet sadness. It grated Garak’s ears. 

Garak wanted to open his mouth to protest, but what could he say? He hadn’t prioritized Kelas. He had allowed their relationship to fall apart. Neither lie nor truth seemed a response appropriate for reality television, so instead he remained silent. 

“That had to hurt.” Rela’s voice could be so empathetic when she wanted it to be. 

“Yes it did. Initially I thought it was because we weren’t enjoined, and perhaps if we took that step, then the relationship would be treated differently. Obviously I never got to find out if that was the case, but I’m thankful in a way, because I do not think the answer would have been yes.”

“The way you describe it, it sounds like you grew apart. Is that accurate?”

“That was part of the problem, certainly. But more than that, whenever the relationship required commitment, required work, required sacrifice, Elim would back away. I thought for a while that maybe he just couldn’t handle that part of relationships. But after some time I’ve come to the conclusion that at least part of the problem was that I was the wrong doctor.” Kelas gave a tight smile. 

It seemed to Garak that Dr. Parmak was here to say things he’d wanted to say for years. Truth after truth fell from his lips and in return Garak’s chest felt tight. 

“Wrong Doctor?” Rela sounded confused, though she didn’t really look confused. 

“Yes.” Kelas turned away from Rela and towards Elim instead. “You never got over Julian Bashir. Sometimes it felt like you just replaced him with another doctor, and you kept hoping neither of us would notice.”

“Kelas…” Garak began but Parmak continued unabated. 

“And instead of confronting that, you just put in more effort at work. And I’m okay with that. The Union has benefited tremendously, so I can’t say you made the wrong choice. Maybe you even made the right choice. But I think you made it because giving our relationship the time and effort it deserved would have revealed the fundamental fact that I was not Julian Bashir, and that nobody else ever could be.”

The audience gasped. 

So every piece of his personal business was going to be on TV then.  _ What a nightmare. What a disaster.  _

“For audience members that may not know, Dr. Julian Bashir is another one of Castellan Garak’s ex lovers from his time as an exile. We’re running out of time with Dr. Parmak, but before you go, Doctor, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Castellan’s proposed immigration policy.”

“Well frankly Rela, it’s a good policy. I support it. It’s time for Cardassia to let a few more people come and participate in our culture and community. I can’t help but believe it’s all for Dr. Bashir, but that doesn’t really matter, does it?” Kelas’ gave another sad smile. 

“I haven’t spoken to Dr. Bashir in over a decade, Kelas,” Elim finally replied, as if that proved anything. It was a shield, a distraction. 

“Oh, Elim…” Dr. Parmak looked at him with a special kind of pity. 

“On that note, we need to take a commercial break. But when we return, we’ll continue our conversation with Castellan Garak and we’ll welcome another special guest, Dr. Julian Bashir! Will it be a heartfelt reunion after over a decade? Or will there be animosity between ex-lovers? Stayed tuned to find out!”

So the interview with Kelas ended, like someone pulling a knife from his wound, but instead of being allowed to bleed out, Rela picked up a bigger knife and thrust it in place of the first. This time the surprise was plastered all over his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too OOC for Kelas. I'm not a big beta canon person and I most pick up Kelas and use him for whatever my garashir interests require. That said I know many folks love him and I try not to abuse him too terribly. 
> 
> I hope you're still having fun. More soon.


End file.
